I Had to Grieve a Parent as a Parent

Grief doesn’t wait for a convenient time. It doesn’t pause for newborn feedings or toddler tantrums. It doesn’t care that you’re exhausted, that you have a family to care for, or that your heart is breaking while life keeps demanding more of you.

When my dad told me he had stage four cancer and only a year to live, I had two daughters under two. My youngest was just 13 days old. Part of my world was ending while another part was just beginning—and I had no idea how to balance the weight of both. How do you hold both joy and heartbreak in the same hands?

But life doesn’t pause for grief. My daughters still needed me—hungry, messy, tired, happy. I was postpartum, exhausted, and barely holding it together, but I still had to show up. For them. For my dad. For myself.

At that moment, I had no idea how I was going to balance the responsibilities that came with motherhood while grieving my dad. Now I know that even the hardest days come to an end.

If you’re struggling to keep up with life’s demands while being weighed down by grief, I hope that this list gives you a lifeline.

You don’t have to do this alone, and you don’t have to do it perfectly.

Seek Support

Grief might try to convince you that you’re alone. That no one understands. That you have to hold it together. That is such a lie. You have your family, your friends, support groups. There are people who love you, who see you, who want to hold you up when you can’t do it yourself.

My husband was my rock.

The day I got that call from my dad, without skipping a beat, my husband took our daughters out of the house so I could cry. He supported me daily and was the encouragement I needed to go to therapy. Therapy gave me the tools I couldn’t voice I needed—the space to grieve, the words to express my pain, and the strength to carry both love and loss at the same time. It didn’t take away the grief, but it gave me a way to live with it. And that changed everything.

Grieve with Your Children

Because I had such a young daughter, I was on maternity leave when I started grieving my dad. That meant I had the freedom to break down and cry whenever I needed to. And you know what? My daughters didn’t judge me.

Depending on the age of your kids, there are different ways you can explain grief to them. They might not fully understand, and that’s okay. Grieving with your kids teaches them that emotions are safe, that sadness is okay, and that love doesn’t disappear just because someone is gone.

If your kid is older, start open-ended conversations to allow them to share their feelings. Recognize that grief is unique to each person, and they may be grieving differently than you. There is no one correct way to grieve; all you can do is support your kids where they are.

Take Care of Yourself

Being a parent requires a lot of mental and physical energy. If you take away anything from this message, let it be this:

You can’t pour from an empty cup.

You deserve to be taken care of, and despite what culture may say, rest IS productive. Taking care of your kids starts with YOU. Even the small things like brushing your teeth, drinking water, and stepping outside are acts of resilience.

Look for Signs of Your Loved One

After my dad passed, I looked for signs of him anywhere to keep our connection alive. I looked for cardinals, hummingbirds, pennies, feathers, and especially butterflies. Even though it sometimes felt silly, it became something my whole family helped me with.

One Father’s Day, I was visiting my dad’s headstone when my husband pointed out that we were surrounded by little white butterflies. This is a core memory that I hold close to my heart.

Give Yourself Grace

Grief journeys are never linear. You won’t always have 100% to give. But if you wake up with 20% and you give it all, you still did the best you could.

There were moments when I seriously doubted things would change. I was so deep in my grief and my health anxiety, but I made it through.

I still think about my dad every day, but I am also able to be fully present with my family. There is space for cherishing memories of my dad while loving the new memories I get to make with my family.

If you are grieving, give yourself grace, hold onto the moments that bring you peace, and know that even in your hardest days, you are still showing up—and that is enough.