When Grief Sneaks In From the Back Seat (and What to Do About It)

Some days it rolls in uninvited—pops up mid-coffee, takes the wheel on the drive home, or waits quietly on the corner of your kitchen counter. It’s grief, and much like that text from your ex that shows up at 2AM, it rarely arrives when you're expecting—or emotionally prepared—for it.

When the Backseat Passenger Speaks

Often, grief isn’t the dramatic, sobbing scene we expect. It’s the small stuff:

• The car door slamming sounds suspiciously familiar and you look over and see the same make and model truck your dad drove.
  
  
• A laugh on TV stops you in your tracks—because it’s that laugh, the one you heard last time you and your mom watched her favorite show.
  
  
• Hearing your spouse’s favorite band or song come on the radio when you are driving home from the grocery store.
  
  

In those everyday moments, grief doesn’t demand space—it steals it. You’re suddenly there, off balance, and wondering, “Why am I crying at a car horn?”

Name It (Literally, If You Want To)

When grief sneaks in, sometimes the simplest thing you can do is name it. “That was grief in the checkout line.” Or, “This tear? Yep, that’s grief—and it’s okay.”

Labeling it takes some of the heaviness off your chest. It reminds you that this wave doesn’t define you—it’s just grief passing through.

And if you want to take it a step further? Give it an actual name.

I’ll be honest—I’ve never named my grief. But I did name my anxiety. Meet Frankie. When I was feeling anxious, it helped to literally say out loud, “Hi Frankie, I see you, but you can go away now.” It gave me just enough distance to breathe again. And it also made it easier to communicate with my husband. Instead of saying, “I’m anxious” (which felt heavy and hard to explain), I could simply say, “Frankie’s here.” He got it immediately.

Grief can work the same way. Naming it doesn’t make it disappear—but it makes it easier to live alongside. And sometimes, that’s the win.

Give Yourself the Crumb Version of Grace

Here’s the thing: you don’t always need a big, elaborate coping plan when grief shows up. Sometimes it’s enough to offer yourself what I call the crumb version of grace:

• Take one deep breath.
  
  
• Drink a glass of water.
  
  
• Whisper to yourself, “I’m safe.”
  
  

It doesn’t have to be dramatic. Small crumbs still count—and sometimes they’re the difference between spiraling and staying grounded.

The Sweet Slide Toward Healing

It doesn’t mean grief will vanish. But when you start naming these moments—whether it’s “grief in the checkout line” or giving it a whole identity like Frankie—you create just enough space to breathe. You’re saying, “Grief, you might be riding shotgun—but I’m still driving.”

And over time, that shift matters. The backseat passenger becomes quieter. You find your voice again—stronger, steadier.

Grief is a stealthy companion that can show up without warning in everyday life. You don’t have to outsmart it—just pause, name it, and gently guide yourself forward. Let’s face it, you’ve already been through the fire. You don’t have to feel “big enough” all the time to move through this.

If this resonated with you, you’re not alone. This is exactly the kind of real, unfiltered conversation I share on my podcast, Grief Unfiltered: Stories from Grow Through Your Grief. And if you’re ready to take the next step in learning how to live alongside your grief, my course Befriend Your Grief might be the gentle guide you’ve been looking for.

Because you don’t have to do this alone—healing feels a little lighter when we do it together.

🎧 Want to hear the full episode?
Listen to Grief Unfiltered: Stories from Grow Through Your Grief wherever you get your podcasts.

📘 Want more support?
Check out my course, Befriend Your Grief, for tools, stories, and the community you need when grief feels like too much.